mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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