My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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