not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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