he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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