It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You ruined the universe
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize