Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
