I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
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I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.