my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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