He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
