I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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