if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
