hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
