Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
