If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
