i would punch a child for taco bell
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
