I will die if light touches me.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
