it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
