i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
