check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
