I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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