I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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