Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
