He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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