So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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