I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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