i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i drank out of a bidet.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
