So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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