I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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