On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
