I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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