Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
