And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize