pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
