We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
