Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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