Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
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She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
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Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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