he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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