That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
