I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
