he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
well you can't waste a boner
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
