Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
