Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
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I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
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At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug