My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.