I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED