How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding