D3 body, D1 cock
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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