dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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