I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
