perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
