im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
