At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
