oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
