I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
