I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
50% drunk capacity currently
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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