had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
