had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
