You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
