my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
