I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
